mamas rolling around on the floor with their kids, running all through the house for a tickle fight, stacking and re-stacking endless towers of blocks.
that's what a fun mom does.
a fun mom takes her kids to all sorts of activities and outings. a fun mom gets in the thick of the play, gets her hands dirty, laughs, plays, enjoys.
i am not a fun mom.
i'm sitting on the couch sipping my coffee watching the kids run around. i'm sitting on the sidelines letting this play happen without me. watching ... watching ... watching ...
i am a spectator in my own life. i am a spectator in my children's life. i think i used to be a participant. i used to be a fun mom. when there was just one little one to play with. just one excited toddler to chase around the park. just one wiggly child to get in and out of carseats, strollers, changing tables.
but there's three now. and i'm no longer a fun mom.
from all i've read and from everything my instincts tell me, sitting on the sidelines is a good thing. for a bit. letting my children see me sitting and reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee, finishing a weaving, these things are good influences. it shows them that it's good to sit still for a while. to be calm and centered and silent.
but i've taken this whole sitting and showing thing too far that i've forgotten how to get off the couch and play. i cried last night at the dinner table when brad started talking about how, soon, theodore will be walking and talking and running around with the big kids. i broke down right there and cried. because he's my baby, and he's nearly a year old and i don't play with him. i splashed some water on my face and after dinner chased the big kids around the dining room table in a surprise game of tag.
this morning, when william woke up, i surprised him with a snowball fight in the kitchen (we were gifted a bunch of fake snowballs for christmas!), then i gave him my phone and told him to hide it from me in the kitchen. from there we played blocks and built all sorts of castles and towers (that were promptly knocked down by theodore) and laughed. i played and we laughed. and it felt good to no longer be a spectator in my children's lives.
i want to be a fun mom. i'm really good at being a fun mom. somewhere along the way i've forgotten how. the fun mom inside of me has been deep down and it's hard to find her again. but practice makes perfect, right?