There's a feeling of certainty and calm that's come over me in recent weeks that I've never felt before. A feeling of belonging, of rest, of contentment. I am content with my life. In fact, I'm head-over-heels in love with it.
There are tantrums and screaming matches and bad hair days. There are days where I don't get dressed, days where I cry myself to sleep, days where I don't laugh. But still, through those days, I'm content.
When I look up from my piles of laundry or a sink full of dishes, look up from refereeing toddlers, keeping the baby from eating a handful of rocks, I see everything I've ever wanted. I feel everything I've ever wanted.
I read magazines and scroll through Instagram and for once, I appreciate the beauty, the creativity, the community and I don't wish or lust. I have everything I need and don't want to add more. Am I finally a minimalist? Did I crack the code? I'm not sure how it happened. But here we are. A little family in a little house down by the ocean and I've got it all.
I was folding a blanket *balling it up and stuffing it in to the cabinet* and glanced in to the living room. The four people I care most about in the world were all cozied up on the couch together reading a book. The last few days I've been so overcome with thankfulness and happiness I've come close to tears. Just thinking about how content I am brings up a whole set of emotions that I'm not sure how to handle. But I'm content, dare I say, 'happy' with where I am, what I'm doing, who I've become.
There was a day last week where, at every turn, I was thrown a curveball. From the moment my feet hit the floor until I locked my keys in the car 30 minutes from home with 3 cranky kids, it was like the universe was out to get me. But in that moment when I realized my keys were behind that locked car door, a new and strange emotion overcame me. I'm not sure I can accurately name it but it wasn't fear or dread or woe. Quite the opposite, really. I was proud. I was calm. I was content. I put on my big girl panties and got to work. I had the door unlocked in 30 minutes by the insurance company and we were on our way. I put the kids to bed and as my head finally hit the pillow, I thought to myself 'I'm doing it right'.
Those words in that order are a rarity for me. But ever since then I've felt them reverberated through my body and reflected in those around me. 'I'm doing it right.'
There will come a day when I'm not right. A day where I'm not content. I'll feel unsettled, unnerved. But today, I'm soaking up all the contentedness I can get. We can only live one day at a time. It's time to start living for today. Drink it in, live it up. Let the feeling of content wash all over.